Updated: Jan 12, 2021
Sometimes I am in awe of the fact that I created three amazing humans.
Joy is a function of gratitude. Gratitude is a function of perspective. And when I was depressed, my perspective on motherhood was not good at all.
Don't get me wrong, there are still days I want to pull my hair our with my kids. I know they are a blessing, but they do drain me. As I am sure your kids drain you too... am I right?
But when I wasn't taking care of myself, the toll of motherhood felt a lot heavier. I was yelling more. I was crying more. And I definitely was coping with the stress of it all by eating and drinking all the things that I could.
I am here to remind you if you are in a season where motherhood feels heavy... that you are not a bad mom. You are a tired mom who needs a break.... some time to recharge, restore, and get back to who she is.
You haven't lost yourself in motherhood. You have been there all along. But you've been a martyr for weariness and no one is giving you a #1 medal for that.
I surrendered my stake in the World's Best Mom contest about 3 years ago. Because I soon realized after getting diagnosed with depression and anxiety, that my kids didn't need a 'perfect' mom, they needed a happy and healthy one. And that came with letting go of some things I was holding on tight to to keep myself feeling like I was in control.
I allowed the messes to be... honestly with three kids, its a miracle my house stays clean WHILE I am cleaning it. Don't be fooled, my house might seem tidy, but behind the woman, is a lot of closets with a sh*tload of organizing. I chose in the moment, to see the messes as a part of life rather than a battle I had to constantly deal with. I decided I'd pick a day, and organize what I could for a set time, and let that be enough.
As a caveat to that, I knew it was high time my three kids needed some responsibility around the house. So they all got chores in which I paid them nothing. #meanestmomever
But seriously, we decided not to give our kids an allowance for things like making their bed, cleaning their room, sorting their laundry and 1 helpful chore around the house because we don't get paid to do those things as adults and it sets up weird expectations. However, if our kids want to help us clean a closet, organize the garage, or any other added chores that can come up, we incentivize it for them because I would pay anyone to help me do these super boring activities! Haha, kidding...kinda!
This shift in responsibility took some time to get used to. The mantra I took alot was: "Done is better than perfect." But again, this took a load off of me, and allowed me to have some more me time to do the things I needed to do... like journal and workout. And it built some ownership on my kids and when they saw that positive shift happening within me, they felt a sense of pride knowing they were helping their mama.
The next thing I did was move my body. I got to work and I hurt everywhere. I would spend workouts counting the seconds until it was over, and speaking I am statements like, "I am... strong, healthy, happy, motivated, capable." And even more so when I felt least like that. I showed up and did 80 days of workouts, modifying when I had to, taking a break when I needed to rest, but never quitting.
MY WHY. I reminded myself of that each day when my kids hugged me, told me they loved me, wanted to sit and read with me, and told me they were proud of me.
Because a happy mom was better than a perfect mom. I was the World's Okayiest Mom at this time of life, not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. But my kids had a mom who was dedicated to them and her mental and physical health, and committed to finding a way through, not around, the root issues I struggled with.
If you are finding yourself feeling overwhelmed and lost when it comes to HOW to build this rhythm into your life, I invite you to hop on a call with me to chat about your goals, because as a mom, I want to help you not only feel your most confident, but allow you to see that perfection is just a myth, and being the World's Okayiest Mom is the most amazing feeling in the world.